5 thoughts on “Comment Wall

  1. Hello Conner!
    I enjoyed reading your retelling of the story “The Goblin City”. I especially liked all the details about the feelings of the captain and what it felt like to see reality after being tricked for so long. One thing that confused me however was the villagers. If the town was simply an illusion to keep the sailors unaware, then are the villagers even real? If so how have they survived the goblins all this time? and why would they not warn the sailors? Adding a little more insight on the villagers would help me to better understand your story. I think that your story added so much to the original. Like you mentioned the original felt almost flat, but reading yours I was able to get an idea of the feelings and the identity of the characters, especially the Captain. I am curious as to what your original retelling was like since it contained so much more detail. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!

  2. Hi Connor, I really liked the strong details at the beginning of the story. You do a really good job using visual and auditory descriptions and it really helps to set the scene of the story. You also do a good job conveying the feelings of the captain as well throughout the story as well. I was confused as to what was happening in the second paragraph as it was not clear if the captain was awakening right after the wreck or sometime after it. Maybe add in the first sentence of the second paragraph that some time had passed since the wreck. I also noticed a typo where the captain touched his “should” in the second paragraph. Perhaps you meant shoulder? Also maybe you could have some sort of explanation for why the captain was no longer under the spell. But it may not really be that important to explain. I really enjoyed your story and look forward to reading your other stories.

  3. Hello Connor! I really enjoyed how you set up your story. You did a great job of setting the scene and telling some past of the sailor. I think it would be really interesting to add some information on how he broke the spell. When the fairy mentioned he must have broke the spell, I was waiting for how he was different from all the other people in the town. My favorite part of your story was the illusion aspect. I had not hear of a story with Goblin’s creating an illusion for humans to live in before so I found it super cool. I also enjoyed you descriptive adjectives you used in the story. It helped me create a clear vision of what was happening! I also enjoyed the theme of the fairy dust and how it cleared the spell. I think I have seen a movie before with dust blown into the face was also a way to break a spell. Overall I really enjoyed your story, it was so creative!

  4. Hey Connor,
    I really liked reading over your story “The Goblin City.” It was really interesting to me, and felt like it was that much better because it was unique, and something that has not been told before. Furthermore, I really liked the imagery you used throughout your story, but felt like if you used more, it would make it even better than it is currently. For example, give more information about how the fairy came to be. It was a good read, and thought you did a wonderful job

  5. Hi Connor!
    I agree with you in that I felt some things from the original “Goblin City” story fell flat and left me wondering what was going on in the men’s heads. I think you did an excellent job of taking one instance from the story (the captain waking up) and elaborating on it enough to create a whole new story that could stand on its own. I did feel that what happened in the final paragraph was somewhat abrupt compared to the rest of the story, so the story did not end as strongly as it started. There is so much detail throughout that I was almost expecting to read just as much specificity and imagery about their escape. I understand though that you initially struggled with this story being too long and had to cut it down, so maybe the way this paragraph read was a result of that. Overall, this is one of my favorite stories that I have read! It was incredible, so I am excited to see what else you include in your portfolio.

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